Tuesday, May 10, 2011

More from the Annals of Modern-Day Business Practices

Fellowship One is the company through whom our church contracts member management. Remember that name: Fellowship One.

Here's an e-mail I sent requesting help from Fellowship One (by the way, in the support ticket section of their site, I clicked their option, "I have an Enhancement Suggestion" Remember that.):

To Fellowship One:

I have received the request for a Typical Worship Attendance (TWA) update several times. It tells me to REPLY to send my report, but when I reply, it bounces back. Every time.

ENHANCEMENT SUGGESTION [remember, that's the button I clicked]: Is there a possibility of F1 establishing a weekly report for worship attendance? We don't check-in every adult, but we do count, and would love it if there were a place we could report that number weekly (by service -- we have four) so that there is a running tally and a reportable number. If you did that, you wouldn't need a yearly report (TWA) from us. You would have it automatically (though I know it would need to be optional).

Please tell me what I need to do about this year's TWA.

Thanks so much,


Here's the reply I received from Fellowship One:

Hi Tim,

Try this email address for the TWA: FTTWAAdmin@activenetwork.com. [Tim says: THAT WORKED]

As for the enhancement suggestion, we are working on a new website where you can add these types of suggestions!

Would you be so kind as to watch for the announcement and then post your suggestion there?

Please let me know if you need anything else.

Best regards,

******** ******, Client Application Specialist

Fellowship Technologies part of Active Network
6363 N State Hwy 161, Suite 200
Irving, TX 75038 USA
Tel 866.383.2437

My (venting) response to Fellowship One (I DID NOT REALLY SEND THIS, BUT I WAS VERY TEMPTED):

Dear ******** ******, Fellowship One Client Application Specialist:

Hope this gets back to you, but I know that's a long shot! Haha!

I ran your response to my request through my DBLSPEEK Translation Program. Here's the result: INTERPRETATION: "SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE!"

Concerning your suggestion that I watch for a new website on which I can make suggestions to your suggestion department (you), I have a suggestion:

We have a website in the works to which you can post answers that don't help us. Please go there when it's ready (I'm not going to tell you when that will be, just watch for it). The address is: www.WhyWeAreGoingToStopUsingFellowshipOneAsSoonAsPossible.com. I know the web traffic will be heavy for that site, so please keep trying if it doesn't load quickly.

Sorry to be less than charitable, but this is typical of F1's responses and the kind of "help" you offer.

Tim Logan
Grace Point Church
Bentonville, Arkansas

P.S. (I added this to my TF1R Report (Typical Fellowship One Response)).



Your message said: "As for the enhancement suggestion, we are working on a new website where you can add these types of suggestions! Would you be so kind as to watch for the announcement and then post your suggestion there?"


That's a joke, right? Haha — I get it. You guys are hilarious! I'm a web guy, so I can read between those lines!


And this is what came back:

Your reply did not process correctly. Please REPLY to this message and enter the text between the specified lines. Your message has been attached.

[===> Please enter your reply below this line <===]

[===> Please enter your reply above this line <===]

I did as they asked. Got the following in return:

Delivery has failed to these recipients or groups:

There's a problem with the recipient's mailbox. Please try resending the message. If the problem continues, please contact your helpdesk.

(Me again) I thought that was the end of the story. BUT NO! I actually received a reply! Here it is:

I wasn't kidding! We are doing that!

So I replied:

Oh! Well, there you go. But it was still funny. : )

In the meantime, is there a person to whom you could forward the suggestion? Do you think it's a good idea (My Enhancement Suggestion)? Is there anyone else I could contact now? Do you have anyone there who takes suggestions? I think I started all this by clicking your option "Enhancement Suggestions," but if I didn't, maybe you might know who would normally get those (Enhancement Suggestions). If that's impossible (forwarding to the correct person), I might have some more suggestions.

But I guess I'll have to wait for the new site.



So far, no response. Because I didn't send that one either. Sometimes my fingers need to vent, then I get over it.


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