Ruminations on Tim's Big Mouth

My wife thinks I talk too much. Not to her, but when I start writing. Like, most men, I don't talk enough for my wife's well-being. When I write, however, I suddenly get verbose, and she saw what I wrote in my first blog post (see below) and thought I probably shouldn't have said some of those things. She's probably right.

I'm not much of a talker, normally. I'm the quiet sort. Some people say it's because I'm a C or a G or an otter, or a GOXIE or things like that. I just think it's because I'm not much of a talker.

Of course, if I get wound up, I can really let loose. Usually I just do that with my wife (venting about something), or perhaps when I'm scolding one of my children (when they push a hotbutton); maybe with my pastor if my righteous indignation flares up over something. Doesn't happen much. I've got plenty indignation, but ain't much of it righteous. So I rant, without justification.

Usually I rant in writing. Like in e-mail messages that I end up not sending. At least, that's the aim: not to send it. One time I did, and I felt terrible for days. So now I don't put an address in the address box. That way it won't go anywhere if I unconsciously hit the "send" button. So they get saved in my draft folder. I hope nobody ever reads what's in my draft folder. I empty it occasionaly, but it's kind of like losing an old friend. You feel like something's gone that you'll never get back. There were some pretty crafty messages in there, after all.

I'm great at gouging people in writing. I'm not that great at speaking off the cuff. That's another reason I'm a quiet sort. I'm afraid (actually, I'm SURE) that I'll say something really stupid and make someone mad or hurt them, then I'll have to apologize and cower in a corner. I don't like to apologize. I'm a C (that makes it o.k. -- you're supposed to understand such things).

So I craft messages in writing. That way I can read them over and over and get in really good jabs and choose just the right words and arrange phrases for maximum impact. Then I realize that when the message is read (if ever) the reader will know that's what I've done and the impact will actually be less. They'll sit there saying, "he must have spent hours on this," which might just be the truth, "so he's not that clever." Ironically, the hurt might be even deeper because they will know I must be really vindictive and petty to spend that much time trying to hurt them. Which would be true. But I'm a C, so get over it.

You see how I can amble and ramble on about nothing, really? That's one way to guarantee nobody will visit very often, so I can just be stupid and nobody will see. See? C.

I feel better now.

Oh, well, if I can't think of anything worthwhile to say, I suppose I should close. Just be glad I didn't say all this to your face.

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